Many of us, myself included are guilty of not really listening to other people properly and fully. At times when we are having a conversation with a colleague or a friend, it may appear that we are listening however often we are forming our own opinions or judgements about what the other person is saying.
When we don’t fully listen to the person we are with, it can stop or prevent us from communicating at an authentic and meaningful level. It can blocks us from really listening or hearing what the person is saying. At times a difference of opinion or an argument can happen, as a result of one person believing one thing and the other person believing the other thing.
A lot of times we don’t fully listen to the person we are with because of the noise going on in our own heads. Our minds can be very busy from life. We can be distracted by the things that we need to do that day, that week etc, which can prevent us from being fully present with the person we are suppose to be listening to. We can also have beliefs about what the person is saying and in turn project these on to what the person is saying. For example if we are having a conversation with a friend and they are worried or troubled by something in their lives, we may have the tendency to jump in and say that you should do this and you should do that. However a more empowering way could be to really listen to your friend and ask them questions so that they can come up with their own answers. I believe that we are our own best experts on ourselves.
So what does it mean to really listen? Really listening means we are fully present with the other person and that we choose to let go of any judgements we may have of what the person is saying. It means to come from a place of love and compassion in regards to what the person is saying or being, rather than from a place of judgement.
Here are a few guidelines in regards to becoming a better listener;
* Be fully present when the person is speaking.
* Check in to see if what we are saying is coming from our heads or our hearts?
* Ask questions rather give advice so that the person can come up with their own solution.
* Come from a place of love and compassion rather than from a place of judgement when listening to the person.
* Choose to let go of any expectations you may have in regards to the conversation your are having.
As always I could love to hear any feedback, suggestions or words of wisdom you may have in regards to what I have wrote.
Namaste,
TW
The Truth Warrior 
What a timely post. I was just trying to explain to someone, who tells me he is a good communicator, that he is in fact a great talker, but a terrible listener…I do the same as many, usually I am forming opinions and thinking on what I have to say next, I have to truly clear my mind and accept that I might need a couple of seconds or even minutes to have something to say back, or to ask more questions on why the other persons is saying what they are saying so I truly can understand their perspective, but I am trying and learning to listen more. Thank you.
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Thank you so much for your honesty. I really like what you said. Namaste. TW
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This is so true. great post!
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Thanks 🙂 Namaste. ~ TW
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Reblogged this on Seasons Change, and so have I and commented:
Had to re-blog this post! We really do not listen fully to others, we are too busy with our own thoughts.
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Many thanks for the follow. I hope you will visit again soon and often. I look forward to reading your blog as well. Namaste. . . .
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You are very welcome 🙂 Namaste. ~ TW
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All very true.
Another fault one easily falls into – particularly in lighthearted conversation – is to lose the enjoyment of what the other person is saying because one has thought of another story to ‘top’ it or another topic. Then, all one’s attention is directed at trying to inject one’s own contribution rather than listening..
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What you said is so true. It is easy to get into the habit of it. Thanks for sharing, Namaste. ~ TW
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Good article. This is something all of us need to be reminded of over and over.
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Thanks for sharing. Namaste. TW
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Pingback: #Leadership #Listening with your #Heart | johndwmacdonald
So True The Truth Warrior, we do need to listen to those who share from their heart and respond which shows we are really listing and when we see they are heading for a cliff and are in danger, we warn them.
Today accepting good advice is seen as not being in control or lacking something instead of being wise, so sadly people continue in danger till they fall off the cliff but as you shared Truth Warrior, we have to listen and with our heart to know where there focus is, this is one reason why I take the time to read a Bloggers About .
Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Christian Love from us both – Anne
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Thanks for sharing Anne. I really love what you said. Namaste. ~ TW
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Listening is a learned skill, I reckon, but most assume it to be a natural ability
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Yes I agree. Thanks for sharing. Namaste. TW
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A topic of which we all need reminding. Sometimes, I believe that just being present when someone is needing to talk is all that is necessary. We don’t always realize how much our silent energy adds (or detracts) from an interaction. For words are not the only thing that are exchanged in a conversation. Which is why I prefer to have face-to-face conversations whenever possible. They are so much richer….don’t you think?
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Yes I agree totally. Face to face conversations are so much richer. Thanks for sharing. Namaste. TW
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So true. I just finished a novel recommended to me: The Art of Hearing Heartbeats. I think you’d like it. Yes, we all should listen more – maybe to the point of even being able to hear a person’s heartbeat. Wouldn’t that be neat?
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Hi. I will check out the book that you mentioned. Thanks for sharing. Namaste. TW
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What a timely reminder post. We were just having a discussion about this and it made me realize, again, that I need to be a better listener. It takes practice to listen because most of our lives we have been in our heads, waiting to get in our two cents, not listening to what the other person is saying, but instead what we can lend to the conversation with our spin, sometimes even interrupting the other person with our trivial interjections. Here’s something I posted recently: http://myawakeninglife.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1464&action=edit
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Hi. I will check out your article. Thanks for sharing. It really does take practice to listen to others. For me it’s definately work in progress…Namaste. TW
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Hi TW, it was a joy reading your blog about listening! You guidelines are really good.
By coincides, I read a book called “People skills, how to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflicts” by Robert Bolton. He also offers similar guidelines. It is great to see more people in the world are willing to improve their listening and writing about how they want to do that.
Among the things Bolton writes about i wanted to write two points he makes down for you (and others).
* Body language. “The behavior of a person (her/his expressions, posture, gestures, and other actions provide a constant source of clues of the feelings she/he is experiencing”
* Reflective listening: “The good listener responds reflectively to what the speaker is saying. She restates in her own words, the feeling and/or content being expressed – and in doing so, communicates understanding and acceptance.” Bolton says there are four basic types of reflective skills: paraphrasing, reflection of feelings, reflection of meaning and summative (summary) reflection.
He also has a list of pitfall / roadblock / high-risk responses, he says that are better to avoid if you really want to listen to someone else.
Hope my comment is a bit usefull to you or someone.
Namaste, Tiger
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Hi Tiger,
Thanks so much for sharing your words of wisdom and the quotes from the book. I will check the book out. Namaste. TW
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thank your for the reminder!
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You are very welcome 🙂 Namaste. TW
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Pingback: http://sparklingbterfly.wordpress.com/2013/11/26/the-inspiring-blogging-award/
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This post is so good. Letting them come up with their own answers – is what coaches use. Have you done coaching before?
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Thanks so much. Yes I have done some coaching before. I have found asking questions to be very empowering. Namaste. TW
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In a time where people are glued to their iPhones like zombies and no longer listen to others, this is a great and much needed article.
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Thanks for sharing 🙂 So true what you said. Namaste. TW
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Reblogged this on Insight Today and commented:
A great and timely article about how we fail at listening to others.
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Thanks so much!! Namaste. TW
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Congratulations. I have nominated you for the Sunshine and Versatile Blogger Awards http://quirkybooks.wordpress.com/2013/12/08/sunshine-and-versatile-blog-awards/
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Thanks so much for your very kind nomination. Namaste. TW
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Truly Beautiful!
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Thank you. 🙂 Namaste. TW
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Pingback: Listening is Visual | Authentic Voice
Pingback: Week 12 – Listening | Cynthia K Ortiz
Few people understand that listening is even a part of communication. We also need practice understanding how the receiver apprehends our messages so we can become more efficient senders.
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Yes this is very true 🙂 Thanks for sharing! Namaste. TW
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I would like to cordially inform you that your post is suggested in my blogrol lfor next Month. Please check my blog. http://www.jadethemystic.com.
Keep posting
Jade the Mystic
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Thanks so much for that! I really apprciate it….I checked your blog but i couldnt find the blog roll! Do you habe a direct link? Namaste. TW
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Please visit my blog and scroll down slowly. The Blogroll is at the first in the right column. Your post is on the first of the list (arranged by alphabet). Please tell me if you still cannot find. ; )
Here is my email. jade.the.mystic@gmail.com.
Thank you 🙂
Jade the Mystic
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I found it 🙂 Thanks so much for mentioning my blog post. Namaste. TW
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