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authenticity, fulfilling relationship, happiness, Health, love, philosophy, psychology, Relationships, Romance, spirituality, Truth, Writing
Most people, myself included, want to create a loving and fulfilling relationship in our lives. A relationship that is healthy, authentic, with mutual love and respect for each other. A loving healthy relationship can be one of the most beautiful experiences in the world. I have had the wonderful experience of being in love on four different occasions. I feel blessed to have experienced this.
I am currently single and I was reflecting the other day on what is the best way to attract another loving relationship into my life. The answer that I came up with was, to have a loving and authentic relationship with myself. I feel that is so true. It is impossible to have a loving honest relationship with somebody else unless we first choose to have one with ourselves. This really is the first step in creating that loving relationship in our lives.
We have been conditioned by society, by the media, by movies etc. that somebody out there will make us feel happy, feel loved and feel special. However the truth is that the only person who can give us any of those things is ourselves.
I see in my relationship experience, what has blocked me from really loving a person has always come back to how much I love myself. When we choose to fully love ourselves and we have a healthy and honest relationship with ourselves, we can then choose to let go of the need and the expectations of the person we are in relationship with.
It has been my experience, that when there are needs and expectations in the relationship from either person, that it seems to block or restrict the flow of love. Imagine being in a relationship where you have no needs or expectations of the other person.
~ I love you but I don’t need you in my life to be happy or to feel loved.~ what a beautiful place to be.
I see in many relationships and my own too, where the happiness of the other person becomes dependant on the other person. A cycle of blame kicks in where by one person blames the other person for their unhappiness saying “ you don’t do this” and “you don’t do that for me.”
If we really loved ourselves, would we choose to blame the other person for our unhappiness?
So how do we start loving ourselves?
We start with ~
~ Just being gentle and kind to ourselves for where we are right now.
~ Treat ourselves how we would treat a lover.
~ Taking ourselves out for a date and make ourselves feel special and wonderful.
~ Saying No and saying Yes, when it feels true for us to do so.
~ Trusting the voice within.
~ Not comparing ourselves to anybody or anything.
~ Saying yes to who you are and all that you can be.
~ Just being good to ourselves.
~ Trusting ourselves and letting go of all expectations and need.
~ Saying to ourselves that we really are doing our best.
~ Saying its okay to be me.
~ Embracing, accepting and loving the beautiful, fantastic person that you are!!! 🙂
Well till the next time….
As always I welcome any feedback or comments you may have.
Namaste.
~ TW
thethinkingroomcoach said:
Great list of ‘to-do’s’ to learn to love yourself!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you:) Great to hear from you. Namaste. ~ TW
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fletcherabbott said:
I have definitely been in that vicious cycle myself. The issue of comparison in your list is a trap many fall into. Thanks for following my blog. I look forward to reading more of yours in the future.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Great to hear from you and thanks for sharing. I look forward to following your blog. Namaste. ~ Tw
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Mayumi-H said:
What a lovely list. Not always easy to do, of course, but a good reminder to have with us. Thanks!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you. Thanks for sharing. I agree it is not always easy to do:) Namaste. ~ TW
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athenabrady1 said:
Another truly loving peice I hope you find all that u r looking for and have the life u would wish for yourself. Keep writing the world needs to hear your voice.
Love & Light
Athena
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The Truth Warrior said:
Athena thank you for your inspiring words. I appreciate it:) I wish you the same. Namaste. ~ TW
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Katya said:
great inspirational blog
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you 🙂 Namaste. ~ TW
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Hussein Ghouleh said:
beautiful post, and you’re right, it does start with one self.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi Hussein. Great to hear from you and glad you liked the post. Namaste. ~ TW
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Tina Del Buono, PMAC said:
Nice post, and very true…
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi Tina. Thanks for sharing. Namaste. ~ TW
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saymber said:
I can relate to a lot of what you write here TTW and I think the day I was able to look into the mirror and tell that person I loved them was one of my most difficult. It’s so true that in order to love others you must love who you are, whatever stage of your journey. Thanks for sharing this with us. You are definitely not alone!
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The Truth Warrior said:
You are very welcome:) Great to hear from you and thank for your honesty. I look forward to following your blog too. Namaste. ~ TW
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robertsweetman said:
That’s probably the best thing I’ve read on this topic anywhere. I look forward to reading more posts from you. If you have a moment also check out Nikki here at http://www.strippedcanvas.com just because ;D
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you for your amazing comment:) I am glad that you liked it and its great to hear from you. I look forward to following your blog too. Namaste. ~ TW P.S thanks for the website..
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Noel said:
Genuinely Loving others requires not loving the image that we fabricate in our minds about the person we love (which is why most relationships fail) but actually appreciating and caring for the person as the person really is. Of course, in order to be able to do this, we must learn a lot about the person, without relying on the imagined person we are trying to love (or idolize).
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks for sharing Noel. I fully agree with you. Its so true not for us to buy into the illusion of the person we are imagining. I really like this quote from Jason Chan from book “The Radiant Warrior”
“Falling in love with that “special someone” is one of this world’s greatest and most powerful illusions. At first this illusion is wonderful, but close relationships will eventually hurt you the most. The one with whom you share your bed is usually the person who really pushes all your buttons the most. This person is your specifically-appointed saviour, even though most of your romantic attraction to them will eventually die away. Why? Because they will reflect back to you all your unhealed issues” ~ Jason Chan ( The Radiant Warrior)
Namaste.
~ TW
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robertsweetman said:
That is unbelievably true – ebook now being downloaded!
I guess that until you’ve developed a loving and authentic relationship with yourself it’s highly improbable that you’ll be able to properly appreciate another person at a deeper level. As Noel said – the fact that you can so easily come to rely on the other person to make up for your own lack of self regard becomes a huge issue!
This is a pattern I’m determined to break in this lifetime 😉
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi Robert. I wish you much success in your journey to create this in your life. I feel we are all on that journey to have a loving and authentic relationship with ourselves. Namaste. ~ TW
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yourpowerfullife said:
Thanks for liking my blog! Connection to the “Source of Love” or God is available to me and everyone eternally. This connection helps me to love others better, love life and love myself, for this I am most grateful. Blessings!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi. Thanks for your comment. Great to hear from you. I look forward to following your blog and reading your posts. Namaste. ~ TW
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Andrea Elliott said:
I have nominated your wonderful work for The Versatile Blogger Award 🙂 http://holisticwords.wordpress.com/2012/05/19/holistically-versatile-blogger/
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The Truth Warrior said:
Dear Andrea, Thank you for your kind blog award nomination:) At the moment I don’t feel inspired to follow the rules of this award….if this changes I will let you know:) Namaste. ~ TW
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travisthetraveler said:
I am 28 now and after having 2 failed marriages, which I don’t regret, I am finally able to truly understand the meaning of this post. I can imagine myself in the past and how I probably would have rejected it. Thank you for posting this and I hope people who don’t understand will read it if only for planting a seed of knowledge to later be understood. I don’t know if it is appropriate to do this (if not, please do not feel obligated to approve) but I would really appreciate your take on a post I did recently on this process for me. Thank you in advance, your truths are always appreciated. http://travisthetraveler.wordpress.com/2012/05/12/filling-the-void-4/
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi. Great to hear from you and thank you for sharing your honesty. I am glad that you liked it. I look forward to following your blog. Namaste. ~ TW
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pacwp said:
I would like to add one more thing to your to-do list. Because love is connectedness ourselves with each other and the Divine in our lives: Then searching and understand how much we are already loved by God should be a priority. In every great religion there is the Holy Tirade of love God, love your neighbour as you would yourself. but if you are having trouble with that intimate relationship than all other relationships pale.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you for you for sharing:) Namaste. ~ TW
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Lori DiNardi said:
Love Thyself. 🙂
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Rev Dani Lynn said:
Very true. Thank you.
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The Truth Warrior said:
You are welcome. Namaste. ~ TW
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suzanloa said:
I heard a saying many years ago that has stuck with me:
“The perfect relationship is two people who are okay with themselves … sharing.”
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The Truth Warrior said:
I really love this quote;
“The perfect relationship is two people who are okay with themselves … sharing.”
Thank you for sharing.
Namaste. ~ TW
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eof737 said:
I’m catching up again on blog posts. Thanks for your patience! 🙂
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Hot For Summer said:
This post is so true! Thanks for the great advice 🙂
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The Truth Warrior said:
You are welcome. Great to hear from you. Namaste. ~ TW
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erranttranscendentalist said:
Reblogged this on Zen Being and commented:
Brilliant post by The Truth Warrior. Re-blogging with gratitude.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you for reblogging my post:) I am glad you liked it. I look forward to following your blog. Namaste. ~ TW
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erranttranscendentalist said:
What a wonderful blog!! The very first post I read, I think to myself, “this message should be read by as many people as possible.” brilliant!! I hope you don’t mind that I re-blogged it with love and gratitude. Looking forward to reading more!! Namaste, friend.
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The Truth Warrior said:
You are more than welcome:) Thank you for your inspiring and encouraging comments. Namaste. ~ TW
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recoverythrumylens said:
How true and authentic…a good reminder..thank you
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The Truth Warrior said:
You are very welcome. I am glad you liked it. Namaste. ~ TW
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laurenc129 said:
“~I love you but I don’t need you in my life to be happy or to feel loved.~ what a beautiful place to be. ”
This is the key. This is where there is freedom for love to be itself and move the way love does.
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The Truth Warrior said:
So true:) Thank you for sharing. Namaste. ~ TW
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Beth Terrence said:
Such a beautiful post. I love your exploration of loving oneself as the key to relationship.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi Beth. Thank you for your kind comment:) Namaste. ~ TW
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makingredwishes said:
One post. ONE POST, it took for me to know I need your blog in my life. 🙂
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you so much for your comment. I am glad that you liked it:) I look forward to following your blog too. Namaste. ~ TW
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AmazinglyBrash said:
Good post….Great topic!!!! I agree self-love is the start of finding someone to love you. I agree that people should be wanted and not needed. Co-dependence is healthy but dependence isn’t. Now, when you love yourself the expectations becoming greater because you know exactly what you want and not just anyone will be exact. People searching tend to settle for the emotion over the lifestyle. Love is something that you have to not only inhale but exhale. It’s a way of life. What we expect from life should be ultimately present in our partners. Mind, Body, Soul; we forget to connected on all three levels. When “ME” becomes “WE” being successful will be about being selfless!!!!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you for your inspiring comment. Self-love is the way:) You speak a lot of truth. Great to hear from you. Thank you. Namaste. ~ TW
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AmazinglyBrash said:
Thanks, keep sharing and ill keep reading!!!!
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margieinitaly said:
You have a beautiful outlook on life and you have been able to write it in a way that is very inspiring. I wish you the best in you search for another loving relationship.
Loving yourself is necessary in order to truly love another in a healthy way, I believe.
I look forward to reading more of your posts!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you so much for your inspiring and encouraging comment:) I appreciate it. I look forward following your blog too. Namaste. ~ TW
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muslimah said:
A beautiful post … it is what I really needed to read 🙂 your thoughts are really inspiring 🙂
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you!! I am glad you liked it:) Namaste. ~ TW
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ayoungcreation said:
How true. If you don’t love yourself how can you expect anybody else to. A very simple plan to follow and leads to great things happening. Thank you. C
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eshoword said:
Hey thanks for following my blog – lovely to now have discovered yours and read this post. I think you’re spot on – unconditional love is the most amazing thing to experience, and I agree it’s only when we fully can love ourselves that we allow others to do the same; sharing inspiration makes existence that.much.sweeter, so thank you!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi. Great to hear from you. Thank you for your inspiring comment. Namaste. ~ TW
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EternalForms said:
I agree wholeheartedly with you, and your conclusion is eternally and universally applicable. I’m going to open the proverbial can of worms, if you will bear with me.
To start loving ourselves unconditionally, we have to see ourselves as unconditionally loved. That’s easier said than done, even by those who think they think pretty highly of themselves. Religion and spirituality, while invested in maintaining a healthy relationship between God and man, unfortunately feed the negative aspect of our experience and reinforce much of what we believe to be unlovable about ourselves. Media is the most influential industry in terms of maintaining this facade.
In my experience, the truth of the matter lies in accepting that God, the Universe – whatever symbolic semantic wrapping one puts on “It” – loves us through every electron of our being and every thought we have, without reservation and without condemnation. WE judge ourselves every second and we are foolish in what we take to be true in so many ways. Guilt underlies our experience of the past, generates the negative self-image we hold today and projects a sentence of future feelings of resentment and unlov-ability, which we hold most dearly in our minds. This also makes us afraid for our judgments are pretty scary things.
And yet, despite these errors in judgment, we are fully loved because our spirit and our mind is an extension of life overflowing. Call it God’s infinite love or Ultimate Reality, if you will. I came to know this fountain springing forth inside of myself. It wasn’t “me”, but was wholly familiar to me – like an old friend I’ve always known and who both reveals and completes me. This familiarity gave way to peace and the love of God. It’s a humbling experience to find yourself loved unconditionally, despite all the mistakes and poor choices you’ve made in life, and accepting that the judgments I hold most dearly and desperately in my heart and mind are wholly mistaken. This is what I believe the “Last Judgment” is all about. God reveals the truth and exposes our errors in perception and understanding.
I often forget about that love and peace, so I thank you for giving me the opportunity today to remember. I’m so often concerned with the many things going on in my mind and in my life and those around me. There are, as you say, so many distractions. These are really subconscious decisions to live in some sad state of self-loathing because we know and feel that we have shut out the wholeness that is our home, only to pursue our earthly and ultimately selfish desires. Being shut away from our awareness, that wholeness – some call it Heaven, Nirvana, Bliss – constantly beckons to us. It is the memory of Love that drives us to look outside of ourselves for the many things we think will fill our souls and quench our desires. And it is this memory that eventually will lead all of us to find It yet again, in the place it never left.
The answer has already been given to this perpetual error in judgment. When we stop judging ourselves and one another, see ourselves for who and what we truly are, then we will extend that same vision to those around us. We will be the mirror of peace and the light of the world because we will know ourselves as such – as we are created in “His”/”Its” image.
Those who choose to live in darkness, shrink and hide from the light. This is as true for me as it is for you. Those who hide create shadowy illusions and call them real. Thinking these dark things to be the root of what they are, they can’t help but feel lost. This is why love, forgiveness and truth will eventually save every last one of us. It is the answer. It is our home. We are wholly loved and wholly loving.
Come home today and rest awhile. 🙂
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you so much for your amazing and inspiring comment:) You speak a lot of truth. I look forward to following your blog. Namaste. ~ TW
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kristilynch said:
I see why you get so many awards. Ty for sharing and following me!!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you:) I am glad you like it. I look forward to following you too. Namaste. ~ TW
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kristilynch said:
Reblogged this on kristilynch.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks for reblogging my post. Namaste. ~ TW
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kristilynch said:
i loved it. always like to share good work.
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maclain said:
I think that many people struggle with the feeling of loneliness, myself included. This has helped me relax a little and be more content with myself. From now on I will try harder to enjoy being by myself when I am not able to be with friends or loved ones. Thank you.
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The Truth Warrior said:
You are welcome:) Thank you for sharing. Namaste. ~ TW
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onehearthealing said:
Thank you for this beautiful post!! I love the idea of becoming that which you want to attract into your life. After all we are the supreme creators of our reality.
Thanks so much agin!!
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The Truth Warrior said:
You are very welcome:) Great to hear from you. Namaste. ~ TW
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LoveyLauren69 said:
Beautifully written and yet another synchronicity in my life. I saw this quote and thought I’d share :
“The relationship with your self is the most important relationship you’ll ever have.” — From Emotional Freedom by Dr. Judith Orloff
From someone whom was consistently in a relationships in my past and has learned to be happy alone, I love the message you are sending and hope many people are able to listen and receive it 🙂
Lauren
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi Lauren. I really love your quote. There is a lot of truth in those words. Namaste. ~ TW
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helpwithyourlife said:
I really enjoyed reading your post. The subject matter is exactly what I just finished writing a book about entitled, The Right Relationship Starts with You. You beautifully explained how loving oneself is the key to a wonderful life and relationship.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Sounds like an amazing book. I would love to read it!! Thanks for sharing. Namaste. ~ TW
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floatingwiththebreeze said:
I’ve just discovered your wonderful blog. What inspiring words. Reminds me of the film Eat Pray and Love where Elizabeth Gilbert said something to the effect “I am dating myself” after the break up of her relationship. Keep inspiring 🙂
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks:) Namaste. ~ TW
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cozyblanketsnowflakerepetitioncompulsion said:
As I first began reading this, I was skeptical. So many times people talk about self love and relationships in such a cliched way. It goes in one ear and out the other. You, on the other hand, made this practical and tangible and meaningful in your post. Thank you.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you for your honesty and thank you for sharing:) I am glad that you liked the post. Namaste. ~ TW
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New in Every Way said:
So much truth here. 🙂 –Thanks for checking out my blog.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi. Great to hear from you and thank you for your comment:) Namaste. ~ TW
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sarahuuu said:
This is very true!! I feel so blessed to have found my soulmate, even if I haven’t always loved myself. With baby steps, I’ve started to love myself. It’s been hard for me to do this. It’s even been hard for me to look in the mirror, let alone tell myself that I love me.
I’ve started with just by appreciating my body. Telling my body how it is so nice to be so healthy or that I can rely my feet to take me from one place to another. I think that has been my first step 🙂
Your blog is one of my latest founds – and I truly appreciate what you write about! In a little thank you, I’ve given you a little something. You can go collect it here http://unhappyhipsters.com 😉
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sarahuuu said:
Oops, that wasn’t the right link! Haha, sorryyy :D!! IT’s this one: http://wp.me/p1OL7Z-f8
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi there. Thank you for sharing and for your words of wisdom. Great to hear from you and thank you for the link. Namaste. ~ TW
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John@EconEngineer said:
Too true! If we are to love one another as ourselves then you make a good point: we first we gotta learn what loving ourselves means before we can share it properly.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks for sharing. What you said is so true. It is a journey. Namaste. ~ TW
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Lisbel said:
Love this, thank you 🙂
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The Truth Warrior said:
You’re welcome:) Namaste. ~ TW
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks for the mention:) Namaste. ~ TW
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Robert said:
AMEN! When I put out needy negative energy I find I repel people more. When I feel joy and peace within myself I get all kinds of attention. I have to catch myself if I’m frowning. Smiles not only are more attractive but they’re a service too. When I’m down and I see a person smiling at me, the kind that comes from a glow within, I’m inspired. Thanks for your post!
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The Truth Warrior said:
So true:) Thanks for sharing Robert. Namaste. ~ TW
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smallgrl said:
This reminds me alot of something I wrote — great minds! http://smallgrl.wordpress.com/2012/10/11/12-tips-for-getting-through-a-breakup/
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi. Thanks for sharing. Namaste. ~ TW
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brianm80027 said:
I really resonated with this post. It really shows that only whole people can create whole relationships.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Yes what you have said is so true 🙂 Thanks for sharing. Namaste. ~ TW
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fgassette said:
Welcome! Thank you for subscribing to follow my blog. I hope you are encouraged, inspired and enjoy the photos I take of life’s events as seen through the lens of my camera.
BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks 🙂 Namaste. ~ TW
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Be Yoga Be Love said:
Really inspired by your blog and your reflections on life, love & spirituality. Your authentic self shines through! I look forward to reading more…Betty
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks so much for your kind and inspiring comment. Great to hear from you. Namaste. TW
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theywhoseek said:
Amen and Amen! ~ Blessings ~
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The Truth Warrior said:
Namaste 🙂 TW
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Amina C said:
Loving yourself maybe one of the most important things ever. Great post! Thanks 🙂
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The Truth Warrior said:
Very true 🙂 Namaste. TW
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aalif said:
Lovely… Just reminded me of a lovely quote of Byron Katie I read yesterday: “I had an abusive relationship once and I found a way out. That relationship was with myself.”
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The Truth Warrior said:
I really love that quote 🙂 thanks so much for sharing. Namaste. TW
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carlfmaulbeck said:
The caress of wave’s foam
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hgaley said:
Reblogged this on ourlushnature and commented:
Stay with me for just bit on this one: “We’re born alone…and we die alone” (paraphrasing Orson Welles). When I say this to people they sometimes look at me like I’m being a bit dark or depressing. But what I mean when I say this is that the only person we have from the very first day to the very last day of our lives is ourselves. We walk our path, sometimes with one person, sometimes with another, but we are the constant.
This post speaks to me not just of being open to romantic love, but of being open to happiness in our lives. Creating that positive bond with our inner self can lead to a life of fulfillment (whatever form our lives take). What a great reminder that before we can be happy with someone else, we need to be happy with ourselves.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks so much for the reblog. It’s so true what you said!! Thanks for sharing. Namaste. TW
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meticulousmick said:
So, so true. It is exactly the reason all my relationships were failing, until I tried to start trying to understand why. So enlightening. MM 🍀
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks for sharing your honesty MM. I wish you the best on your own journey. Namaste. TW
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furiousjink said:
i follow your blog and this is one of nice post i have read.
Truly the expectation in relationship hurts and by loving oneself you can fulfill your own.
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The Truth Warrior said:
So true what you said. 🙂 thanks so much for sharing. Namaste. TW
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D. said:
Thanks for a great post 🙂
It is so try, what you write – that it starts with us and then whatever resonates with the inside comes into reality and manifests in our lifes.
I like your list, although I would formulate some points a bit different, yet the essence stayes the same. The key is, I think, to treat yourself as you wanted to be treated and to have this certainty that you are worthy of everything best, including love. As I see it, most of us feel not very worthy sometimes, as if we were not good enough to be loved and to give our best to others.
I am also single 🙂 and when I think about what kind of person I would like to have in my life I realise that first I have to become an individual that my dream-super-hero would like to spend time with 🙂
All the best! I really enjoy your blog 🙂
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks so much for your detailed response. I really appreciate it!! I really like what you said. I wish you the best of your own journey. Namaste. TW
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ghostbusterbev said:
Interesting post…I would add one more point. Be sure to have realistic relationship goals and be willing to give more than you expect in return. Years ago I owned a matchmaking service “Soul Match” for singles healthy in body, mind, and spirit. I used to tell clients that the most important wow factor in a relationship is to know and love the essence of a person, their authentic self, Thanks for visiting and following my blog. I will return to read more of yours.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks so much for you comment. I really like what you said 🙂 Namaste. TW
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Julianne Victoria said:
We’ve nominated you for an award! Please visit: http://juliannevictoria.com/2014/01/26/4-blogs-8-awards-and-26-nominations/
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks so much for your kind nomination. I really appreciate it. Namaste. TW
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Dodie said:
Nice post truth warrior. It is curious to me how it is that we as humans can in our quest to love and find love overlook the most obvious. Love ourselves. I wrote a blog on this titled “Living in Our Own Blindspot” which I’d love to share with you:
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks for sharing. Great to hear from you. I really love what you wrote in your blog. Namaste. TW
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Susan T said:
On the whole, I agree with what you say. However, there’s a condition to this for me: No it’s not the job of someone else to be responsible for my happiness or me for theirs as a general concept, however, if a persons behaviour is making me UNHAPPY then surely we can argue that our happiness is being detracted from as result of that. Ergo if I don’t feel loved/cared for whatever by my significant other then of course I am going to be unhappy – it’s the human condition. And no amount of self love is going to change that.
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The Truth Warrior said:
I agree with what you have said. I have found in my experience that when I was coming from a place of loving myself, I would be assertive with the person whose behaviour was unacceptable and express it to them. In that situation I found there were 3 options, stay with the person and tolerate the behaviour, the person change their behaviour and stay with them or if they don’t change…leave the relationship. Namaste. TW
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