The Magic Of Asking The Right Questions

Tags

Empowerment, Gratitude, happiness, Meditation, peace, philosophy, psycology

Most of us want to improve some area of our lives, however at times this can be easier said than done. They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. This is very true. Another definition could also be asking the same questions over and over again and expecting a different result.  I was reflecting to myself the other day, on the importance of asking ourselves the right questions.

Our lives are filled with opportunities and challenges every day. Often times it can be our negative view points, poor attitudes or limiting beliefs which can block us from creating solutions to our problems. We could have a job we hate, be struggling financially, be in a relationship that isn’t fullfilling or have other problems. Many of us have been guilty, myself included, of going into the cycle of focusing on the problem by complaining and blaming, however this way of responding rarely gets us positive results.

Asking questions such as; Why me? What else can go wrong? Why does this always happen to me? How come I never seem to get what I want? What is wrong with me? Or why am I always doing this to myself? rarely help to reframe our situation to a more empowering positive one. When we engage in problem focused questions, they dont help us move to a more positive place in our lives and only disempower us to continue with the negative problem focused story in our heads.

When we choose to start asking ourselves questions which are more focused and positive, we are more likely to get more happiness and peace in our lives. They can help us to see our situation from a different view point and empower us to let go the limiting beliefs we have about our situation. We are also more likely to take positive action which best serves us and those around us. These questions also open our minds to more possibilities and opportunities.

If you have a situation in your life, which you consider a problem, here are a few solution focused questions you may like to ask yourself;

*   What do I need to understand or learn from this experience?

*   What could I do to change or improve my situation?

*   What’s next?

*   What do I want to happen?

*   What is the next step I need to take to create a solution in this situation?

*   What am I grateful for now?

*   How could I turn this situation around?

As always I would love to hear any feedback, comments or suggestions you may have….

Namaste.

TW

5 Essential Ingredients For A Great Loving Relationship

Tags

authenticity, happiness, inspiration, love, philosophy, psychology, Relationships

We all want to have great relationships especially with that special person however often times we seem to be unable to create this in our lives. In the world that we live in, we usually learn how to have relationships from those people around us usually from our parents who often times may not be exactly the perfect role models for a healthy and loving relationship.

In every relationship, there are 3 relationships happening. There is the relationship you have with yourself, the relationship your partner has with themselves and the relationship you have together. If any of these relationships is not healthy and loving, it usually effects the other relationships.

In any relationship, the following ingredients are essential in creating, maintaining and growing a healthy and loving relationship;

1. Trust

Trust always begins with yourself. You can only ever trust somebody as much as you trust yourself. If you don’t trust yourself, it is very hard to trust another.

It is usually our fear rooted beliefs which prevents us from trusting the other person completely. These can be fears of rejection, fears of disapproval, fears of being alone or fears of not being loved by the other person. The less you love yourself, the less you have the ability to trust yourself and the person you love.

Trust essentially starts with yourself. You can start to trust yourself by loving yourself more. You can start to do this by listening to your feelings and trusting the voice within yourself and take action if you feel inspired to do it. When you trust yourself, you start to have more belief and faith in yourself. You let go of the doubts and the beliefs which stop you from trusting yourself and trusting others.

2. Authenticity

When we choose to be fully authentic in a relationship, we choose to be fully ourselves – the good and the bad! At times this can be easier said than done. To be authentic means to stop the people pleasing and approval seeking behaviour that we can have a tendency to engage with when we are in a relationship with somebody. Being authentic means to be true to who you are and to just be yourself. In my experience the more I have choosen to be authentic in a relationship, the more the person I am with has felt free to be authentic.

It is normally our fear that the other person will reject us or may not approve of or love us, which prevents us from being fully authentic in a relationship. At times we may not feel safe to be authentic because of the other person’s judgements or their expectations for us to be a certain way.

You can be authentic by connecting with how you are truly feeling and what you truly want. Then when you are connected with this, you can start communicating this to your partner. Maybe there is something that you don’t like in regards to what your partner is doing or saying. A good first step would be to communicate this to them.

3. Communication

Communication is essential in any relationship especially in relationship with your significant other. They say that we only communicate 7% by the words that we speak and the rest is by our body language and the tone of our voices. I think this is very true. It is so important to be clear and specific in our communication with our loved one otherwise they may interpret what we are saying as to meaning something completely different.

Lack of effective communication is usually caused by the beliefs or opinions we have of what is being communicated to us. We may assume a certain thing by what a person is saying and this may not be the truth of what they are saying. For example if your partner does not want to meet you it could be for a variety of reasons and may not be the beliefs you have in your head. If there are times that we are not present when something is being communicated to us, it is easy not to fully listen to what the other person is saying. If we are emotional, it can also cloud our interpretation of what the person is saying.

In communicating effectively, it is very important to be clear and specific in regards to what you are communicating. Try to let go of any judgements or assumptions you may have in regards to what the person is saying. When you are listening to what is being communicated, it is good practice to be as present and open to the person as possible.

4. Self-care

At times when we are in a relationship we can forget about caring for ourselves. We can focus on the other person and forget about our own needs and wants. Choosing to care for ourselves can mean different things for different people. Essentially it means loving ourselves. It means taking time out for yourself, treating yourself to something nice, knowing your boundaries in a relationship or learning to say no and yes when it feels right.

If you don’t choose to care for yourself in a relationship it can lead to an imbalance. Lots of times the relationship can become a co-dependent relationship because you can have an expectation or need from the other person to care for you and your happiness can become dependent on them. This dynamic can often lead to fights or disagreements.

You can start caring for yourself in a relationship by knowing your boundaries and limitations, by communicating in an authentic way in regards your wants and needs and ultimately taking responsibility for your happiness.

5. Appreciation

Often times we can find it easier to criticize and find fault with the person we are in a relationship with rather than give them praise and show them appreciation. When we focus on the good behaviour of a person, we unconscious reinforce this behaviour. The opposite is true as well in that when we focus on the bad behaviour or the so called bad things that a person does, we reinforce this behaviour, because we are giving attention to it.

You can learn to appreciate the person you are with by saying thanks for the simple little things that they do for you on a daily basis. You could also do this by buying something unexpected for them to show that you appreciate them. You could also make a list of all the great qualities/characteristics that your partner has and tell them about them. They can also do this for you too 🙂

As always I would love to hear any feedback, comments or words of wisdom you may have.

Namaste.

TW

What Is Your Measure Of Success?

Tags

authenticity, happiness, peace, philosophy, psychology, spirituality, Success

Often times our definition of so called success is unconsciously defined and created for us by the media, our friends, our families, society and the environment that we live in. There can be certain expectations on each one of us to have achieved certain things in our lives in order to be considered successful. These things can be to have a wife/husband, a good job with a certain status, a house in a particular area, a certain type of car, a particular amount of income etc. In our current society our level of success is often measured by how we appear on the outside rather than how we feel on the inside.

Our measure of success or what we consider to be a success in life is taught to us from an early age. Much of the conditioning we receive when growing up with those around us, can create the beliefs and the framework for our standards of success in our lives. Sometimes these so called standards/expectations can be unrealistic and we can end up in a place of feeling unhappy and dissatisfied with our lives and ourselves.

When we choose to measure our level of success with other people, it can stop us from feeling the happiness, the joy and the satisfaction we experience from achieving something in our lives. For example if we look at Facebook and see people living a more so called ‘successful life’ than ourselves, it can be a recipe for unhappiness. The only person who is stopping us from feeling successful right now is ourselves. If we choose not to feel good for where we are right now in our current circumstances, whatever they maybe, we are making it harder for ourselves to feel successful and to feel happy. If we choose not to listen and trust our hearts, it will nearly be impossible to feel successful because we are not being true to ourselves.

In the world that we live in, if we choose to adopt and use somebody else’s measure of success, we are more than likely going to be unhappy. We will never feel fully satisfied and contented in our lives. A lot of the stress and pressure in our lives can be a result of having an unrealistic measure of success for ourselves. We may feel they we are never really living for ourselves but living for the approval, acceptance and praise of other people.

When we choose to have our own measure of success, we feel they we are being true to ourselves. We feel that we are living for ourselves and that we are creating our lives based on our own approval, acceptance and praise. We feel happiness and joy in our lives because we are following our heart’a desire. We feel more contented and peaceful in our lives.

Here are a few ways that I have come up with in regards to how we can create our own measure of success;

* Create your goals so that they are in alignment with your own values.

* Have realistic and achievable goals which feel good and true for you.

* Ask yourself what does it mean for me to be successful in my life?

* Become aware of your current measure of success and see if this really feels true for you.

* Say to yourself that the greatest measure of success is your own joy and happiness.

As always I would love to hear any feedback, words of wisdom or comments you may have.

Namaste.

TW

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The Key To A Loving Relationship

Tags

authenticity, fulfilling relationship, happiness, Health, love, philosophy, psychology, Relationships, Romance, spirituality, Truth, Writing

Most people, myself included, want to create a loving and fulfilling relationship in our lives. A relationship that is healthy, authentic, with mutual love and respect for each other. A loving healthy relationship can be one of the most beautiful experiences in the world. I have had the wonderful experience of being in love on four different occasions. I feel blessed to have experienced this.

I am currently single and I was reflecting the other day on what is the best way to attract another loving relationship into my life. The answer that I came up with was, to have a loving and authentic relationship with myself. I feel that is so true. It is impossible to have a loving honest relationship with somebody else unless we first choose to have one with ourselves. This really is the first step in creating that loving relationship in our lives.

We have been conditioned by society, by the media, by movies etc. that somebody out there will make us feel happy, feel loved and feel special. However the truth is that the only person who can give us any of those things is ourselves.

I see in my relationship experience, what has blocked me from really loving a person has always come back to how much I love myself. When we choose to fully love ourselves and we have a healthy and honest relationship with ourselves, we can then choose to let go of the need and the expectations of the person we are in relationship with.

It has been my experience, that when there are needs and expectations in the relationship from either person, that it seems to block  or restrict the flow of love. Imagine being in a relationship where you have no needs or expectations of the other person.

~ I love you but I don’t need you in my life to be happy or to feel loved.~  what a beautiful place to be.

I see in many relationships and my own too, where the happiness of the other person becomes dependant on the other person. A cycle of blame kicks in where by one person blames the other person for their unhappiness saying “ you don’t do this” and “you don’t do that for me.”

If we really loved ourselves, would we choose to blame the other person for our unhappiness?

So how do we start loving ourselves?

We start with ~

~ Just being gentle and kind to ourselves for where we are right now.

~ Treat ourselves how we would treat a lover.

~ Taking ourselves out for a date and make ourselves feel special and wonderful.

~ Saying No and saying Yes, when it feels true for us to do so.

~ Trusting the voice within.

~ Not comparing ourselves to anybody or anything.

~ Saying yes to who you are and all that you can be.

~ Just being good to ourselves.

~ Trusting ourselves and letting go of all expectations and need.

~ Saying to ourselves that we really are doing our best.

~ Saying its okay to be me.

~ Embracing, accepting and loving the beautiful, fantastic person that you are!!! 🙂

Well till the next time….

As always I welcome any feedback or comments you may have.

Namaste.

~ TW

Control Your Emotions And Fulfill Your Potential!

Tags

coaching, happiness, inspiration, philosophy, psychology, spirituality, yoga

Our emotions can range from anger, fear, depression, jealousy, guilt
to joy, peace, happiness and love. The emotions that we are
experiencing can make our lives a living hell or a living heaven.

Often times we can forget that the anger or depression we are
experiencing is not outside ourselves. We can buy into the illusion
that a person or a thing or a place is making us angry. We say to a
person that you are making me feel a certain way. The truth is the
anger, the fear, the guilt, the happiness and the love is coming from
within ourselves. Nobody can make us feel a certain way unless we
give them the permission or allow them to do so.

When we experience these negative emotions, often times they can
prevent us from really seeing the true picture of our reality. They
can cloud our judgement and can make us prisoners in our own lives.

Our emotions come from the beliefs we are believing about the
situation, place or thing. For example in my life now I am
experiencing a lot of changes in regards to my career and environment.
If I choose to believe that change is scary or bad, there is a high
probability that I will experience the emotions of fear, unhappiness
etc. However if I choose to believe that change is good and that I
love change, there is a high possibility that I will experience
emotions of peace, joy and happiness.

Our emotions can hold us back and limit us from living the life we
truly desire or they can propel and move us forward in the direction
of what we really want to create in our lives. When we are
experiencing fear and unhappiness in our lives, we are usually less
motivated and inspired to take proactive action. We feel that we have
little enthusiasm, excitement and energy for the actions we need to
take. However when we are in a place of happiness and peace, we are
usually motivated, enthusiastic and energized to take proactive action
towards what we want.

At times it can be easier said than done to change our so-called
negative emotions to positive ones. I know in my experience there
have been times where the negative emotions I was experiencing were so
overwhelming, that I found it hard to move through them and see the
light. Many of us can have the experience of being in a place that is
emotionally challenging and find it hard to move to a more positive
place.

Here are a few guidelines that I have found helpful to shift to a more
emotionally positive place;

* Become aware of the emotions that you are experiencing.

* Don’t label or judge the emotions by saying that they are good or
bad, right or wrong.

* What am I believing now that is creating these emotions?

* How is it serving me to believe this?

* Would I prefer to be right or be happy?

* What is the truth in what I am believing?

* What could I believe about my current situation that would make me
feel happier and more grateful?

* Say to yourself I am not these emotions.

* Trust and believe that these emotions will pass.

As always I welcome any feedback, comments or words of wisdom that
you may like to share…

Namaste,

TW