Most of us, myself included, are addicted to the drug of “approval”, “acceptance”, ‘praise” and “popularity” of other people. We are under the illusion that we need this to feel good.
So how do you know if you are an addict in this way or not?
Well one way of knowing is if somebody praises you and you feel great and then somebody criticizes you in some way and you feel rejected and you feel down. This is usually a good test to see if we are living our lives based on the approval, acceptance, praise and popularity of other people or our own. We are with the former, unconsciously allowing other people and society to control us by what we say, feel and do.
When we come to a place where we no longer are living our lives this way, we have reached a place of liberation. I know many of us, myself included, have been brainwashed and conditioned to thinking and believing that this is the way, however the problem with this is that we are never really living for ourselves.
Many people in this world are living for and addicted to success. Success of looking good and being successful financially, materially, career wise etc. We are conditioned by society and the media that success is having the perfect job, the perfect partner, and the perfect life. Real success for me is having the feeling of liberation and freedom of living my life based on my own approval, my own acceptance and my own joy. That really is true success.
We have been trained and conditioned from an early age to live our lives with this approval seeking behaviour. A young child is trained from an early age to seek approval and acceptance from their parents. They have been conditioned to behave in a certain way. The 3-year-old boy is told to stop crying to please and not embarrass his parents. It is the very rare case I have ever heard a parent encourage their child to continue crying and just be themselves. J
If we continue to live our lives this way, being addicted to the approval, acceptance and praise of other people, we will never be able to come to a place of being truly free and ever living fully for ourselves. We will be living in this prison, the illusion of living for the recognition of other people and society.
So how do we begin to move out of this place?
The first step is just having awareness that we are puppets living out our lives in this way.
Just become aware of how you feel when somebody praises or criticizes you…..
How do you feel?
Do you feel happy or unhappy?
Can you see how you are responding ?
Can you see how you are allowing yourself be controlled?
Can you see that you have a choice to respond in a different way?
What are the expectations that other people have of you?
How does the other person respond when you don’t live up to their expectations or their illusions of you?
Do they respond with happiness or unhappiness?
As always I would love to hear any thoughts or feedback you may have….
Namaste,
TW
Bird said:
Well said!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks:) Namaste. ~ TW
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dailydose101 said:
I agree!
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The Truth Warrior said:
🙂 Namaste. ~ TW
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Thomas White said:
Excellent piece on something that most of us are afraid to talk about. This addiction blocks us from loving ourselves and others.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Its so true what you said that “This addiction blocks us from loving ourselves and others” Thank you for sharing. Namaste. ~ TW
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Ganesh said:
Excellent article! Our present world (material world) is ruled by Mind (Ego), which needs Name, Fame… But if we truly know our Self and listen to our Heart/Soul, we doesn’t need anything as our Soul is complete bliss by itself. Great yogi’s (happiest,wise and powerful persons) are the best example.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you for your great and true words of wisdom. Thank you for sharing. Namaste. ~ TW
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Ganesh said:
My pleasure! 🙂
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alexxrae said:
Loving your blog, thanks for the follow
A.
http://www.wildheartcity.wordpress.com
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The Truth Warrior said:
You’re welcome:)
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www.teresayoung.com said:
Love your post, and the image you chose to accompany it is a very evocative illustration of those often unconscious forces. Bravo!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you:) Namaste. ~ TW
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My Pursuit of Perfection said:
It is an important topic and you have said it well.
It is also very difficult to overcome but we should be on guard regardless.
Thanks.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Very true. The key is to just be aware of it. Namaste. ~ TW
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timzauto said:
We also keep our live’s hectic , even having illusions of being busy so we don’t associate with these addictions ..Nice post ..Thanks for sharing..Tim
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you for sharing. So true what you said. Namaste. ~ TW
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Ian Gardner said:
Addiction of any sort is the result of “attachment” and that is why “non-attachment” is a goal of Buddhism and why I has written so much about it. You do well to highlight your thoughts on the subject on the Internet which I hope you do without expectation of reward of any sort (attachment) but simply because it needs to be done (non-attachment).
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi Ian. Thanks for sharing. So true what you said. I write from my heart and when I feel inspired to, without the expectation of what the result will be:) Namaste. ~ TW
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Lori DiNardi said:
I do agree with this very much. I’m not addicted to acceptance, but I know people who are. I do think though, there is a difference between wanting acceptance and wanting to be loved. I think it’s in everyone’s nature to want to be loved. I suppose the way to receive love, is to give it out. 🙂 Thanks for the thoughtful article.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi. Thanks for sharing. I like what you said “I suppose the way to receive love, is to give it out” True words. Namaste. ~ TW
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Andrea Friedmann said:
If we could allow ourselves self-acceptance, then this sort of addiction would have no power over us.
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The Truth Warrior said:
I agree 100%:) Thank you for sharing. Namaste. ~ TW
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Noel said:
The Ego needs to be constantly feed by praise and recognition, it also needs to be defended by our overemphasizing behaviors so that it is not hurt again. Being vulnerable is a scary thing for the self, which is why the self creates the Ego so that it does not experience pain. But pain is not necessarily bad. Pain can actually teach us to grow.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Ni Noel. Great insight:) Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom. I agree. Namaste. ~ TW
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onehearthealing said:
I couldn’t agree with you more. So many times this approval seeking behavior is so insidious that we actually can’t separate our own likes and dislikes from the expectations of others and society. Thats why so many people become depressed and the need for anti-depressants is on the rise. I believe that our bodies and minds try to tell us when we are going in the wrong direction and we can learn to listen and be true to ourselves. Thanks for this wonderful reminder to tune in more deeply!!
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The Truth Warrior said:
You are very welcome. I am glad that you enjoyed it. So true what you said. I love what you said “I believe that our bodies and minds try to tell us when we are going in the wrong direction and we can learn to listen and be true to ourselves.” Thanks for sharing. Namaste. ~ TW
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influenceversuscontrol said:
YES, I am addicted! As a blogger I frequently find myself looking at the number of likes on my posts. I am disappointed when I see no activity on my blog (even if I have not written in a few days). Thank you for a good reminder that we do not need to depend on others for our own feeling of well-being!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you for your honesty and thank you for sharing:) Great to hear from you. Namaste. ~ TW
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Grass Oil said:
you seem to be right up my alley and this post was just what i needed to read to keep me centered. i’m getting there: not caring so much about what people think about me. but it’s a daily experience.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Glad you liked it:) Thanks for sharing. Namaste. ~ TW
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Ann Marquette said:
Oh yes, the realities of life. I have been through the scenario you speak of, and have been working most of my life to transform me to be the real me 🙂 It is a joy to know the wonderful changes in my life, but I continue on the path.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks for sharing:) It certainly is a journey… Namaste. ~ TW
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eof737 said:
It’s human nature to want others to appreciate our effort and show their support.There is nothing wrong with that thinking. However, where it becomes problematic is when we become dependent on the approval of others to function effectively in our world/role/position. Like you said, being addicted to approval is a dangerous game because people will always disappoint us and show us who they really are; sometimes when we least expect it. That is life and it is best to stay focused on our original purpose of doing X or Z … for our inner growth and personal satisfaction. The rest is out of our hands. Great post.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you for your great words of wisdom. So true:) Namaste. ~ TW
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Fillandra said:
Maybe I am a little bit… but without giving away my high energy level and I know that I am the only one who can give this approval to me. Well, I guess I am not addicted because I never really was a part of this illusion… Not this life, what a luck 🙂
Blessings,
Fillandra
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi Fillandra. Thanks for sharing:) Namaste. ~ TW
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wsforchrist said:
Enjoyed your post. To some degree, I identified.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks for sharing:) Namaste. ~ TW
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Ashley Kimler said:
Reblogged this on Reaching Your Dreams With Ashley Kimler.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi Ashley. Thanks for the reblog:) Namaste. ~ TW
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Ashley Kimler said:
You’re welcome; this one hit close to home 🙂
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Ganesh said:
Reblogged this on Known is a drop, Unknown is an Ocean and commented:
A gentle remainder of how we are controlled by our Mind (Ego) 🙂
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi Ganesh. Thanks for the reblog:) Namaste. ~ TW
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Ganesh said:
Welcome! 🙂
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Ganesh said:
My pleasure 🙂
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StHaelRazor said:
This very issue has been at the heart of most of my failures in this embodiment. I consider it to be apart of ‘Thou shall not covet’~not approval, acceptance, love, or anything else that a human or this world can give. Thank you-I’m gonna print and post it on every wall!!!
HR
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you for your honesty. So true. Namaste. ~ TW
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Alex Jones said:
Seeking approval is the basis of egotism and neediness.
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The Truth Warrior said:
I agree:) Namaste. ~ TW
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ram0ram said:
Reblogged this on ram0ram note book.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks for reblogging my post. Namaste. ~ TW
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newsofthetimes said:
I love this. I am pretty addicted to the drug of approval, but have noticed that my husband is not. I admire that about him and would like to learm how to ween myself off the drug. Thanks for a thoughtful post!
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The Truth Warrior said:
I am glad you liked it:) I have found in my experience that the first in just having awareness. Thank you for your honesty. Namaste. ~ TW
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fletcherabbott said:
I can certainly relate to this. Especially as a pastor this is perhaps one of the things I combat the most. I daily need to remind myself that my faithfulness to God is more important than my desire of praise from others. If I get that switched around then I began to make compromises that I have no business even considering.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi. Thanks for sharing:) Great to hear from you. Awareness is the key to any change…Thank you for your honesty. Namaste. ~ TW
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Pingback: Motivation: Why Do We Do What We Do? « Grass Oil
Grass Oil said:
I wrote about your blog today … it has been on my mind for days: http://mollyfielddotcom.wordpress.com/2012/06/12/motivation-why-do-we-do-what-we-do/
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks for sharing:) I read your post. Very inspiring!! I feel when we come from the heart and not the ego, then we know we are not coming from a place of looking for approval, acceptance and praise. Namaste. ~ TW
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Grass Oil said:
indeed. we mustn’t stop doing, but we must look at why we do. i played violin for praise until i stopped. now i miss it. if i return, i know it would be a good experience. -molly
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi Molly. Thank you for your honesty and your words. I think it is okay to return to playing, if it feels good for you. Namaste. ~ Tw
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Pingback: Dee’s Delights ~ edition 13 | Dee's Dialogue
The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks for the mention:) You have a great blog. Namaste. ~ TW
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Rajiv M said:
That’s very great article . . . we should try to respect the self and should pay attention to our soul . . What we actually think we need is already filled within ourself . .
~ Rajiv
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The Truth Warrior said:
So true:) Thanks for sharing. Namaste.~ TW
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oldswimmer said:
Truly a good work, your blog. Thanks for liking my Weightless in Water offering. I have signed on to follow you, and look forward to your UP insights! Susan (Old Swimmer)
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The Truth Warrior said:
You are very welcome:) Thank you for your kind comment. Namaste. ~ TW
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The Food Yogi said:
Thank you for finding and following my blog! I’m so happy that enabled me to find yours! It’s awesome. 🙂 Thank you for this post. When I am criticized in some way, I get put off to the point that I become speechless and can’t think of anything else to say except that someone just said something bad about me and kind of want to cry, haha. I have to learn to be much more mindful of that and your post is certainly a great place to start. Thank you!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi:) Thanks for sharing and for your honesty. Great to hear from you. I look forward to following your blog. Namaste. ~ TW
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souldipper said:
Seeking acceptance and approval is such an insidious addiction! Look at blogging – the people completely hooked on numbers as a means of validation may be missing a major opportunity to hit on substance.
I find substance here. Thank you.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you. Namaste. ~ TW
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Pocket Perspectives said:
The “seeking approval” thing has been such a challenge for me…and having blogs certainly has provided lots of opportunity for me to observe that dynamic/concern within myself…I just keep going back to the ideas on this “card”…written by a trusted friend, as I would ask him how to decrease that need…and so….again and again and again…just trying to rest in my own positive motivation… http://reflectionsfromafriend.wordpress.com/2012/04/29/4292012-seeking-approval-motivation-and-intention-are-what-counts/
And I’m also benefiting by watching my reactions in terms of the “eight worldly concerns”…wow, I seem to be busy with those! But as you write, seeing one’s own reactions is a very important start. Thanks for your helpful ideas.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks for sharing:) I really like the link!! Namaste. ~ TW
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StHaelRazor said:
Reblogged this on The Light of God Never Fails and commented:
This is a wonderful article which is completely relevant to one of my many flaws. Thank you, Truth Warrior!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks for the reblog:) Namaste. ~ TW
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Renate Hechenberger said:
Reblogged this on CoReOn New Energy and commented:
This is a wonderful article which is completely relevant to me as well. Just getting heavy lessons on that subject! Thank you, Truth Warrior!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi Renate:) Thanks for the reblog and for your words of inspiration. Namaste. ~ TW
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Renate Hechenberger said:
Reblogged it here, sorry for the language mix up.
https://coreonnewenergyenglish.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/are-you-addicted/
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The Truth Warrior said:
🙂
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Pingback: Are You Addicted? | CoReOn New Energy
Pingback: Motivation: Why Do We Do What We Do?
The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks very much for the reblog:) Namaste. ~ TW
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jeni315 said:
Well before I read your post I just posed that question to my preacher in so many words or less. In how to deal with someone who sets unreasonable expectations, I say I’ll do my best, they say, it’s do or don’t, there’s no try. He sets me up for failure, then failure is achieved. And me not wanting to lose my job is effected by it.
I guess I CARE too much about the quality of my work to NOT be effected by it.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Hi Jen. Thanks for sharing. I trust you know the way. Just an inspired question comes to mind; “what would love do now?” Namaste. ~ TW
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Dr. Bhargava Bitra said:
I read your post, its very inspiring and thanks for reading my post on A Healthy Lifestyle for Psoriasis. I would love to receive your comments or suggestions to improve my blog.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thank you for your kind comment!! Great to hear from you. Namaste. ~ TW
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evatenter said:
Reblogged this on Power of Positive Thoughts and commented:
Addictions can hide in many sources, not only substance abuse. Excellent article!
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks so much. I read your blog. Brilliant!!! I love what you are doing!! Namaste. ~ TW
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evatenter said:
Thank you!!! 🙂 Namaste
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The Water Bearer said:
“Real success for me is having the feeling of liberation and freedom of living my life based on my own approval, my own acceptance and my own joy. That really is true success.” – I believe I have just found another quote to add to my ‘mantra’ quotes on my fridge door. Fabulous. Thank you! Blessings to you! 🙂
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks so much for your kind words. Great to hear from you. Namaste. ~ TW
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naamlozevink said:
Reblogged this on naamlozevink and commented:
This is an article of a fellow blogger that shows you the way to your own awareness in relation to others. How to be yourself amongst other people.
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The Truth Warrior said:
Thanks 🙂 Namaste. ~ TW
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naamlozevink said:
Thank you for sharing this very helpful information! I reblogged the article so it can show my other friends the way too 🙂 xx Thank You
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The Truth Warrior said:
You are very welcome. I am glad that you enjoyed it!! Thanks for sharing. Namaste. ~ TW
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shoutabyss said:
How thought provoking. Personally I pride myself on trying hard to not care. I’ll admit the more important the other person the more their opinion seems to matter. That means people I don’t like have little sway over my feelings. My wife said, “You care less about what other people think than anyone I’ve ever known.” I just shrugged and said, “Whatever!” J/K. I took it as a compliment. 🙂
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The Truth Warrior said:
I love it 🙂 Thanks for sharing. Namaste. ~ TW
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